Honest Trailers - RWBY Volume 1
by Anonymous Contributer
Summary: Warning: The following contains strong language and playful jabs at a cool web show. It is not recommended to those who cannot take a joke. Reader discretion is advised.


**The following is rated "H" for honest.**

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**Narrator:** From the guys who revolutionized the Machinima genre and the guy who set a new standard for fight scenes, comes a series that inspired more same-sex shippings since Kingdom Hearts.

RWBY

In a world where everyone has powers and fighting abilities, only a select few will actually try to hone their skills at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. I could explain more, but if you've watched other anime before, then you've definitely seen this.

Meet Ruby Rose, a 15-year old maybe prodigy who everyone treats like a young child.

**Weiss:** Aren't you a little young to be attending Beacon?

**Narrator:** Probably because she looks like a young child. And acts even younger than that.

**Ruby:** (in a faux imitation of Weiss' voice) Oh, just keep moving! Hurry up! Waaaah! Watch where you're going!

**Narrator:** But she's not alone! She has her quirky teammates to rely on. Including Weiss Schnee, a spoiled heiress who you thought would be the shy girl by watching her trailer, but ended up being a massive cunt.

**Weiss:** I'm. Not. Perfect! Not yet…but I'm still leagues better than you.

**Narrator:** She's filled to the brim with unlikable personality traits, but manages to get over them…only to have them be replaced by another unlikable personality trait. Including…bitchiness!

**Weiss**: Give me that! This is Dust - mined and purified from the Schnee quarry!

**Ruby:** Uuuhhhh...

**Weiss:** What are you, brain-dead?

**Narrator:** Petty jealousy!

**Ruby:** I thought you believed in acting as a team.

**Weiss:** Not a team led by you. I've studied and trained. And quite frankly, I deserve better.

**Narrator:** And racism!

**Weiss:** Those Faunus only know how to lie, cheat, and steal.

**Narrator:** Blake Belladonna. A mysterious girl, with a dark secret. Which _everyone_ predicted correctly before it was actually revealed.

*Blake closes her eyes and slowly lifts her arms up to her bow and pulls the string to release the bow from her hair. She wipes away a tear away as the camera pulls up to reveal her Faunus ears.*

**Narrator:** Called it~

So instead, everyone just focuses on that one embarrassing moment she had.

*Blake is holding a book titled "Ninjas of Love".*

**Narrator:** I'm not saying it's an erotic novel. But it's an erotic novel.

And Yang Xiao Long, Ruby's older sister. Who for some reason has a different last name, which fans are more interested in than actual plot. She has the most awesome weapons, fighting style, and trailer, but ended up doing very little in the actual show and no light was shed on her backstory. But man, look at those jiggle physics!

*Cue every scene where Yang's boobs jiggle. Then end on a scene where Prof. Port's belly jiggles.*

**Narrator:** NO! THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT!

Together, along with a secondary team that already gets more focus than Yang, they will learn to work together to defeat the Grimm, a race of evil black shadows!

*Cue scene showing a lot of background silhouettes.*

**Narrator:** Even though that's about 90% of the human population. But like every zombie franchise ever, the real threats are the humans! Specifically Roman Torchwick, an incredibly sexy man (I think) dealing in an unknown shady plot. He has the power to…run away from a little girl like a pansy. Come back as a super badass. Light cigars without touching them. And having hips that don't lie.

*Cue ending of episode 8 where Roman's hips are swinging while he's standing with his back facing the camera.*

**Narrator:** Move over Elsa!

So buckle up for a RoosterTeeth Production that shows lots of potential, but ends up suffering from having less action than the trailers, awkward pacing…

*Episodes 4 – 8: Initiation*

*Episodes 9 – 10: The Next Day*

*Episode 11: Weeks Later?*

**Glynda:** Mr. Arc, it's been weeks now.

Remember, everyone, the Vytal Festival is only a few months away!

*Episode 15: Months Later?*

**Weiss:** The Vytal Festival! Oh, this is absolutely wonderful!

**Narrator:** And…Atrocious! Awkward! Animation!

*Cue montage of every instance of bad animation (all outside of the fight scenes of course) while silly music plays.*

Starring:

B.B. Hood (Ruby Rose)

Bitchy Asuna (Weiss Schnee)

Celty Sturluson (Blake Belladonna)

Tina Armstrong (Yang Xiao Long)

Every Comic Relief Loser In Every Action Series Ever (Jaune Arc)

Tsubaki Yayoi (Pyrrha Nikos)

Harold Lee (Lie Ren)

The Only Loveable Ginger (Nora Valkyrie)

Godot (Ozpin)

Your School Librarian (Glynda Goodwitch)

Grandpa Pringles (Peter Port)

Hazama (Bartholomew Oobleck)

Reisen Unpronounceable Middle Name Inaba (Velvet Scarlatina)

Douchebag Groose (Cardin Winchester)

Zidane Tribal (Sun Wukong)

A Murakumo Unit (Penny)

Okami Enemies (The Grimm)

Alex GayLarge (Roman Torchwick)

And The Only Cosplayer You Bother To Remember (Cinder Fall)

Rwuh-By

*Weiss is hanging on a talon the size of her entire body that belongs to a gigantic Nevermore.*

**Weiss:** How could you leave me?!

**Narrator:** You were just launched like way higher into the air a few episodes and managed fine with those glyphs! Why don't you use those?! JUST USE YOUR FUCKING LANDING STRATEGY!

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**Thanks for reading! I just want to make this clear, that I actually very much love RWBY. I love it to the point where not only am I really excited for Volume 2, I am also super butthurt at everyone who gets to go to RTX this year (2014), because they get to see episode 1 of Volume 2 before I do! However, I also happen to be one of those kinds of pricks who likes to make fun of everything that exists, including the things that I love. And I know I'm gonna get lots of hate mail for saying this, but RWBY does have many flaws. Which sucks, because it really does have a lot of potential. At least Volume 2 looks like it'll be a huge improvement. Anyways, I wrote this fun piece to indulge in my love of lampooning works, and my recent addiction with Honest Trailers. I'm not sure if I'll make anymore for other series, it might depend on how well you people like it (or how much you hate it and I decide to be a troll). I think that's a good note to end this abnormally long author's note. Happy Independence Day everybody!**


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